Invisible

Tiny seedlings of dreams don’t always have a loud voice, nor do they follow a linear path. They can be downright invisible at times.

It was 2010. I was fast approaching 50 and out of sheer horror of getting old, I had set a sizable New Year’s intention to write and record an album of original music during the upcoming year. It was a big undertaking, but it had been a secret seedling dream in my heart for a long time.

So I committed. I set the intention. I gave it a voice.

By the end of the year, I had written 10 songs, enough for a whole album, but I had not yet recorded them. It didn’t seem quite the right time. Something was missing.

Then I suddenly realized that I had written a concept album. A concept album is a collection of songs that have a similar theme running through them. In this case, all the songs I had written were about being invisible.

I then understood what my soul was trying to say: I feel invisible.

Concept albums often become rock operas or musicals because there’s a story running through it. For example, the Doors’ rock opera, Tommy, began as a concept album. So I decided to set out on a journey to write a rock opera in 2011. Another rather ample endeavor.

But life got in the way… sigh.

By the fall of 2013, two and a half years later, my beloved rock opera was still unfinished. But the progress I had made called longingly to my heart to come and finish what I had begun. I felt as though I was somehow incomplete if I did not sit and conclude this story of invisibility. So, armed with only a thread of hope and some rugged determination, I took a 3-month break from work and committed to sitting down at my typewriter every morning to bring this dream to fruition.

A cup of coffee by my side, seated at my desk, every morning, I wrote. I showed up. Even if I had no ideas whatsoever, I sat down daily with my fingers poised over the keys. And like magic, something always showed up, every day, without fail. As long as I showed up, the muse showed up.

By the end of that winter, in early 2014, I had finished the work. And by the end of that year, I had produced and staged it, bringing the dream to full fruition. I’ll share more of that circuitous journey in an upcoming post.

But what I learned that winter is that you can’t expect the muse to show up if you don’t. I had to commit to being there every morning, no matter what, poised. Expectant. Intent. I could not let the distractions of life own my time. Nor could I let the fear, doubt, and the ‘not-enoughs’ own the landscape in my brain. When the soul calls, the heart must answer. The mind must serve the heart, not the other way around.

In other words, I had to be willing to show up and be visible to the muse. The answer to the plight of invisibility is to show up fully, warts, fears, doubts, and all.

I wonder… are there tiny invisible seedlings of dreams calling to your heart right now? Will you commit to planting, nurturing, and watering them?

It wasn’t easy to commit. There was so much apprehension if I had what it takes to write what was dancing through my brain. I had fears about life being able to carry on without me for a few hours every morning. I wondered if I was creating something worth the effort, time, and sweat.

What I found out was this, the dream is mine. If I don’t nurture it, no one else will. And if I die with my song still in my heart, I will probably have died of a broken heart.

It’s no wonder that heart disease is the number one killer in the US. I believe so many of us die of a broken heart. Those whose heart never got to love what it loves, dream what it dreams, and share what the voice of love has to say.

I learned that it’s up to me to show up fully to life and have the courage to not render myself, and my dreams, invisible in the shadows. I had to make room for the muse, to give her the space in my life to play.

Distilled into three simple words, the tonic for today is: Show up fully.

Looking for bite-sized daily wisdom, hope, and encouragement? Check out “Lessons in the Key of Today” on the Divine Moonshine YouTube channel.

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